Sunday, 17th November 2002

“An Audience with Richard E Grant”

By Denise J Hale

I tentatively asked the man opposite me on the tube if he knew where The Orange Tree Theatre was on the basis he looked the type who would, he didn’t, but two young men further up the carriage suggested it might be near the Orange Tree pub. It was. A few weeks later its lady patron, rounding up the evening, informed us that when it initially started in the back room of the pub Richard had performed there, but he has yet to ‘act’ in the new building. Whilst the theatre has upgraded from pub to, what appeared to be, a former chapel it has retained its intimacy with its audience and the grassroots of Shakespearean theatre. Props, from the current production, were scattered around the edges of the room and in its centre was the ‘stage’. It simply consisted of two Persian carpets and a typist swivel chair. Around it, in a square, were three rows of seats, above, a narrow gallery mainly edged with a single row of seats, except above the sound room where an addition of a rail provided leaning space for people (this was the standing room my original ticket specified).

Into this arena entered a nervous Richard. He sat on the chair and swivelled round unable to find a comfortable viewpoint.

“God” he exclaimed, “I thought this would get easier!”

He held up a tiny, silver, beribboned box the lady who introduced him had presented him with and promised to open later. Then he placed the box on the floor and proceeded to swivel again, as the audience held their breath awaiting the moment of disaster when he swivelled over the box!

Stumbling though his welcome he failed to recall the charity the evening was dedicated to.

“Shooting Star!” prompted at least half the audience. Richard smiled in gratitude and began to relax, stating he felt like Bruce Forsyth (* see below) and encouraging the audience to repeat the charity’s name. He continued by informing us he would be reading from his film diaries, With Nails.

“My mother-in-law, who is eighty-five, has complained.” He then delivered the next line in a high-pitched Scottish accent, “Why do you have to use such foul language?” Returning to his normal speaking voice he stated that he had not set out to offend anyone, but he would be reading the words as he had written them sixteen years ago, commenting that he was now older, but probably not “maturer”.

Then thirst descended and he spied a water jug and glass set out for his use. Ignoring the glass he took up the jug and gratefully gulped from it, returning to the chair with the jug and placing it on the floor. Thus giving the audience a new concern as he continued to swivel, when would he send the jug flying?

The readings came from the beginning of the book. At one point he stopped and told us that his daughter had suggested that if he was so nervous of doing this why didn’t he just send a copy of the audiotape to the theatre?

He relived failed early auditions. The roller coaster emotional ride of acceptance for Withnail. The binging to oblivion to satisfy directorial demands, with the comment that a doctor has since informed him he could have killed himself!

Then he snapped the book shut and asked for any questions. There were loads, many which have been asked on this list. Amongst the answers he recalled interviewing Roddy McDowell for the ‘By Design’ novel. Roddy had been a child star and managed to maintain a career throughout his life, not a mean achievement in the fickle world of Hollywood. Roddy informed Richard that after forty the roles became slimmer and slimmer and older actors fell into two categories. 98% became bitter and twisted and 2% realized that they had been lucky and led a charmed life. On the plane home Richard studied the names in his filofax and, recalling Roddy’s words, could easily place the actors into their category.

A query about the down side of fame reminded Richard of an encounter in the local Waitrose. On satisfying the query that he was indeed Richard E Grant the woman retorted, “I don’t like you!” before marching off! Richard was flabbergasted by her rudeness and asked if such impertinent behaviour was acceptable by a stranger to a member of any other profession?

It is not only members of the public who believe that an actor is an acceptable target for personal abuse. Richard recalled the activities of a certain tabloid TV reporter who weekly managed a swipe at Richard whether or not he was actually in anything being televised that week. When the reporter’s abuse extended to insults about family members Richard decided enough was enough and instigated libel action. Richard shook this head at the duplicity of people who were reasonable, or even gushing, in face-to-face encounters but then filled their pen with venom!

One questioner tripped himself up when he asked if he (Richard) ever got jealous of other actors like Richard E Grant? A bemused Richard pointed out that he was Richard E Grant, as the man corrected himself to Hugh Grant. Richard said that his wife had consoled him with the thought that everyone was here for HIM, however obviously HE (pointing at the man) was here for Hugh!

Richard then mulled over the idea of Hugh Grant doing such an event at £17 a head before (once again) declaring Hugh was younger, had more hair and Liz Hurley! Well at least before they split up! (Actually Richard the hair bit is becoming debatable too!) In a more reflective mood he recalled first meeting Hugh in Hollywood. At the time Hugh was cast in a TV mini-series as Mary Poppins’ homosexual son and Richard was working on Dracula and lined up for another Hollywood movie. At casting sessions Hugh was being asked if HE was Richard’s brother. Richard said that talking to him at the premiere to ‘Four weddings…’ Hugh honestly thought it was a terrible movie and that he was terrible in. The rest is history. Richard stated it was part and parcel of acting. No one knows why one film, person, takes off. Plus Hugh was such a self-effacing, humorous person it was impossible not to like him.

Further vagaries of an actor’s lot were revealed when Richard recalled a recent conversation with a younger actor. The guy had just been for an audition where he was informed that they wanted a Richard E Grant look-alike. The guy queried why they didn’t try for the original? “Oh No,” came the reply, “We want a 35 year old Richard E Grant!”

Asked whether he’d deter his daughter if she wanted to act, he stated that he’d support her in any career choice she was happy with. However, with first-hand experience of the acting profession, she had already decided it wasn’t for her. At present, and as she’s only thirteen things could change, she wants to be either a set or costume designer. He revealed that they often made little models and that together.

Queries about his education brought fore the explanation that, whilst other colonials packed off their children to be educated in cold, damp boarding schools back home, as his father was Minister of Education it may have demonstrated a lack of confidence in his own administration to send his own sons away. Thus he was educated in the same school as Nelson Mandela’s daughters. At one point he even thanked a man for recognising Swaziland identity as an independent state, he declared that he spent years explaining the relationship with neighbouring South Africa was like Nazis-Germany and Switzerland!

Due to the intimacy of the venue questions were simply shouted across at Richard in a friendly manner of inquiry. Richard did his best to be fair but louder voices tended to win out. At one point his attention was caught by a quietly spoken woman when Lynn Fawkes-Wood (who attended with her husband John Stapleton) called across. Richard immediately turned to Lynn and politely said that he’d come back to her but ‘being a well brought up middle-class boy I’ll have to answer this lady’s query first Lynn.’ 

‘Why Argos?’ shouted a woman at the back. The same reason any actor endorses anything, responded Richard. Declaring gleefully that this year was going to be a good Christmas courtesy of Argos! (* see below) He also revealed that everything he was wearing had been given to him. He was wearing a dark suit, a black gingham-checked shirt, open at the neck, and black leather shoes, fashionable pointed. He had recently received a phone call from an Italian shirt company offering to design three shirts for him after reading about a problem he had with shirts. ‘What’s the catch?’ No catch, they assured him, he just had to wear the shirts. An usual design in these shirts is the cuff has a circle cut into it to allow the wearer to view his watch without pulling back the cuff. We were invited to look out for the wearing of these!

Somebody queried, “Was that your own hair?”
“What’s left of it,” he quipped as he smoothed it down, “is all mine!”

Bizarrely the woman exclaimed, “No. I meant in the Argos ad!” The audience laughed as we tried to work out where she thought Richard’s flowing locks were being concealed? Meanwhile Richard denied ownership.

One question I would have liked to have heard the answer to was, whether his good looks were inherited from his mother or his father? Richard however was amazed to be described as good-looking and recalled a professor saying he could become a good director, or even screen-writer, but with his ‘odd’ looks and spindly frame he would not make it as an actor!

There was a similar response to praise about his writing ability. According to his English teacher Richard used ten words where one would suffice and all his prose was purple!

Wah! Wah! was also mentioned. Richard declared that he had written, and would be directing, it but he wouldn’t be appearing in it. Hollywood strikes and September 11th had played havoc with production timetables but, all being well, shooting would start in September 2003. He acknowledged that there was criticism of the name and suggestions he changed it. He asked for supporting vote, enough hands were raised for him to conclude he had 98% in favour. However earlier he had told us he’d attained 7% in mock O’level maths!

A question from Nikki brought about an introduction that she was one of the REGiment, a loyal fan base, he declared proudly, that was predominantly female! (This remark arose from a previous query regarding the higher ratio of females in the audience, then Richard had indicated he thought females were less aggressive and more reasonable.) At this point Richard stretched back in his chair and grinned appreciatively allowing, for a second, his obvious ability to attract the opposite sex to provide a bit of a boost to the old male ego, much to the mutual amusement of his audience.

As promised he opened the unscathed little box to reveal a pair of silver cufflinks shaped as Shooting Stars.

Before he was allowed to go it was suggested he sing the Swaziland National Anthem. Only for a fiver each he joked! Immediately people started pulling out money, some throwing it from the gallery, until he had fistfuls of notes. Asking for the lights to be turned off he began, stopping to shout ‘Off’ as they tried to sneak them back up. The song was in the native tongue of Swaziland so I can’t comment on its contents. It seemed melodic and reflectively inspiring. I assume it was adopted on independence in 1967 so is a modern piece.

Richard now moved on to his role as book signer. With Nails was being sold in the foyer with its royalties for the night being donated to the charity. Watching Richard I noticed that he graciously signed other items put in front of him. He chatted and seemed pleased to meet the three of us from the REGiment who had managed to procure places. Photos were taken. He was also photographed for the charity, the theatre and with other fans. He left quietly to go home to his family, probably pleased the ordeal was over but never once did he appear dissatisfied. Like Roddy, Richard falls into the 2% who know that they have drawn a lucky straw in the lottery of life.

Denise J Hale
18th November, 2002

• Bruce Forsyth is a well-known games show host famous for encouraging audience participation through the use of catch phrases.
• Since launch of advertising campaign, according to Richard, Argos’s profits have seen a 25% increase.

  For another review, click here.

  Click here to see Richard’s REGiment greeting from the night.